365 Days of 2009

Day 1-50

I love Summer. I love her since the day she walked into my life. I love her despite the fact that she’s beyond my league. I love never giving up. I love thinking that there’s always a way, and if there isn’t, creating one. I love the smell of her as she walks into the office every morning. I love watching her as she works. I love the fact that she talks to me. I love the fact that I muster the courage to talk back. I love being friends with her. I love walking the crowded streets with her, and discovering new paths. I love having her in the same elevator.

Day 50-100

I love the fact that we’ve become close. I love that we are so different. I love that we come from different worlds and yet relate to the same things. I love waking up in the night dreaming of her. I love showing her my favourite spot. I love that she can talk non-stop. I love that she can sleep in a crowded theatre. I love dreaming of the future. I love kicking the stones on the road as we walk. I love listening to her complain. I love watching the waves as they kiss the shore.

Day 100-200

I love never having a single regret. I love asking her out. I love that her first impression was wrong. I love holding her hand. I love how her hair blows in the wind. I love missing her so much. I love wanting to pick her from my dreams. I love that she can make me smile. I love that she doesn’t care. I love watching her sleep. I love how she infuriates me with her shopping. I love that she’s extrovert. I love that there are things about her that only I know. I love that her personality is somewhere in between. I still love dreaming of the future. I love telling her how I feel. I love being in love.

Day 200-300

I hate our first argument. I hate that she’s distancing herself from me. I hate the fact that she doesn’t believe in true love. I hate that she doesn’t feel the same anymore. I hate how we’ve grown so apart. I hate how we seem to have nothing in common. I hate that we always argue. I hate that somewhere deep within me I still love her. I hate seeing the sun set. I hate that we have to keep remembering the good old days. I hate the fact that we’re breaking up. I hate the fact that we’re moving away. I hate never seeing her again. I hate meeting her accidentally. I hate knowing that she likes someone else. I hate that she’s getting engaged. I hate that she can’t stop talking about him. I hate that she’s getting married. I hate that she never felt the same about me. I hate dreaming about the future.

Day 300-365

I hate that she returned my kisses but not my ardour. I love that she gave me enough happiness to make me sweet. I hate that she gave me enough sorrow to keep me human. I love that she gave me enough trials to make me strong. I hate that she gave me enough hope to make me happy. I hate that our love began with a smile. I love that it grew with a kiss. I hate that it ended with a tear. I hate that my future will always be based on my past.

Day 366

I love the whirlwind that is her. I love how she makes me feel. I love watching the sun rise. I love meeting her for coffee. I love dreaming of the future. I love Autumn.

Whew! That was hardcore. It’s that time of the year when we tend to reflect on the year that’s passed by. Everywhere, people are talking about the best movies, the best moments etc etc. This is my tribute to one of the better movies made this year called 500 Days of Summer. If you haven’t watched it, do yourself a favour and watch it. Now, I’m one of those few lucky ones who harbour no pangs of regret. It’s been an unusually bad year and I can’t wait for a new one to begin; after all it can only get better from here. So here’s to a new Autumn..!!! Happy New Year!

Men and Women are both from Pluto

All right, I’m going to do it. I’m going to write THE BLOG that every self-respecting blogger writes at one point of time or another. I’m going to write about men, women and the chemistry in-between.

As opposed to popular opinion, meticulous empirical research has proven that men and women are not from Mars and Venus. The absurdly complex behavioural patterns exhibited during various interactions between the two have in fact led to a revolutionary new hypothesis that they are actually from the planet Pluto. For the ease of understanding, scientists have coined a single word to express the desired outcome of this highly complex mating ritual. It’s called a relationship.

Over the years I have carefully tried to analyse and understand this behavioural anomaly called ‘relationship’. I have systemically scrutinized several acquaintances that have fallen prey to this lack of judgement. Eventually, I must admit to feeling a sense of awe at the beauty and complexity of this intricate relationship and consequently a deep reluctance to corrupt it by forcing the conformity of Mars and Venus upon these naturally diverse elements. Relationships, as an independent entity outside of any broader physiological context, are at once worldly and whimsical. They are as much routed in the abstract as they are in the intellectual. Let me show you the complex thought processes that gets initiated during the formation of the relationship.

For the purpose of illustration, let me call the guy Zeelu and the girl Sweety. I will use some popular extracts to simulate a telephonic conversation between the two.

Monday night, 10 pm

Sweety: Hello?

Zeelu: (Shit, she picked up the call) Umm, hi! Is this Sweety?

Sweety: Speaking.

Zeelu: My name is Zeelu. I don't know if you remember me – I met you at that party last week, we were introduced through JKES (Fuck, what if she doesn't know who I am? I'll sound like a complete wuss. Hell, I already sound like a complete wuss. Why the hell am I doing this?)

Sweety: Oh, yeah. You work in Delhi, right?

Zeelu: Yeah. (Ok, she remembers me, that’s a fucking relief. I wonder what she was told - he's an MBA, never had any girlfriends and is working at a blue-chip firml! Man, that sounds lame. She probably hates me already!)

Sweety: Yeah, I remember. We swapped numbers.
(I can't believe he actually called! And I can’t believe I was drunk enough to give him my number)

Zeelu: So, how are you? (Oh yeah, that's real original, but what the hell else I am supposed to say- Umm, hi, I don't know you, but do you want to make out with me?)

Sweety: I'm fine. And you? (Ok, this is off to a great fucking start)

Zeelu: I'm good. (Ok, think, think!) So, I heard you're giving your GMAT this year? (Oh, that's a real winner. Now I can be a bad conversationalist and a wuss)

Sweety: Yes.

Zeelu: (Ok, she is not helping me at all!) So where are you going for training?

Sweety: Princeton.

Zeelu: Hey, that's a great place! (I sound like a complete moron. I should just hang up)

Sweety: Yeah, it's ok. (God, this guy sounds like a complete loser)

Zeelu: So... (Stall fucker stall!)

Sweety: So you're an MBA right?
(Like he didn't tell me that 500 times last week at the party.. yawn!!)

Zeelu: (Ok, I can handle this...) Yeah, though I didn’t learn much. (Alright, now say something else, but what do I say? Do you drink and have sex? Cause if you want to hang with me, you can't be one of those goody goody South Asian women who think if they kiss a guy they've practically gone all the way)

So, what do you like to do in your free time?

Sweety: (Umm... get wasted...) Oh, you know, hang out with my friends, go to movies.

Zeelu: Where do you like to hang out in Mumbai?

Sweety: (Shit, what am I supposed to say? This guy could be some geeky freak! I can't say bars - I'll say clubs, you can go to clubs and not drink...) Oh, sometimes we go to the movies, or there's a couple clubs that are good... (That was good, I made it sound like I like clubs, but I'm not really into them...)

Zeelu: (Ok, she goes to clubs, that's a good sign. If she was really desi she wouldn't do that.) Yeah? I like to dance too. (Man, I’m such an awesome liar)

Sweety: (He likes to dance- that's a good sign. He can't be that painful!) So where do you hang out in Delhi?

Zeelu: (Should I say it- alright, I'll say it, what the hell!)
Er, the same, bars, clubs, stuff like that.

Sweety: (He said bars! So he probably drinks. Good sign. I should explore this further...) So, are there any good bars in Delhi?

Zeelu: Yeah, there are some nice ones (Krishna and Chameli Bar in particular), I mean, I'm not a huge drinker, but I like spending a Friday at TGIF occasionally. (TGIF.. freakin hilarious, anyways that gives the impression of someone who enjoys drinking but is not an alcoholic - pretty good, if I do say so myself!)

Sweety: (That sounds ok. This guy seems cool. But if he's so cool why is he calling me? Shouldn't he have a girlfriend? Wait, was he completely ugly? Damn those tequila shots!) Yeah, me too. Although I hope my parents never find out.

Zeelu: Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. (I wonder how she looks without make-up)

Sweety: (Ok, so he didn't freak out at the living a double life - another good sign. I just wish I remembered what he looked like...) So...

Zeelu: (I do kinda vaguely remember seeing facial hair on her. Damn. Well, there's only one way to find out!) So, I know this sounds a little crazy, but I'm visiting some friends in Mumbai next weekend and I wonder if you'd want to get together for coffee sometime. (I am the holy fuckin lord.. I did it. I asked a girl out. Now I can die in peace)


Sweety: (Coffee. That's safe. If he's totally nasty I can have a quick espresso and run like hell!) Yeah, that sounds great.

Zeelu: (Alright I’m awesome. I wonder what she’ll wear – party dress or casuals. Well, I’m sure if she has something to show, she’ll ensure that I see it)
So I have your number, should I just call you soon and we can figure it out?

Sweety: (Hmm.. I should buy that push up bra that enhances my cleavage!) Yeah, sure, just call when you’re here (God, this is getting painful)

Zeelu: Alright, I'll call you soon. (Meaning in two days cause I don't want to look too desperate, but at the same time I don't want to look like I'm trying not to look too desperate)

Sweety: Cool. Well, I'm glad you called. (I think...)

Zeelu: Me too. Well, I'll see you soon (Lets make out, lets make out)

Sweety: Alright. Bye. (I can't believe he called! Too late to back out now. Besides, maybe he's cool. He didn't sound so bad on the phone. I really hope he's not a virgin.)

Zeelu: Bye. (I did it! I am the man. I think she wants me. Yeah, she definitely wants me..... Wait, did she have big breasts??.....)


Well, they did eventually meet and Zeelu screwed up like guys usually do. Nevertheless, he is now trying his luck with Bubbly; of course with the same spirit of creative distinctiveness that characterises this whole abnormal and abstract mating ritual. In spite of my supreme effort at taking this male-female chemistry – something normally perceived as part of life and turn it into a paradigm of its own, Zeelu remains oblivious to my logic and argument. Apparently this ‘relationship’ is a direct immersion in the world of the senses, where things are taken at face value. You don’t challenge accepted notions of what is useful, what is interesting and what is truthful? You don’t analyse relationships, you just flow with it – and that my friend- is the rather simple life of Man.

Humble Beginnings

I hate blogging. I admit it. I’ve never blogged before. To a seasoned reader, a blog will often let slip more about the writer than he or she intended to reveal. In many ways, it’s akin to getting naked. Oh it’s fine in the confines of your room, but imagine doing it in the middle of a Mumbai local during peak hour. Talk about being vulnerable. It’s like Superman handing out kryptonite to the Museum of Natural History. So what brings about this change of heart??? Is it because of a boring workplace, maybe an absence of a social life or is it a demented plot to woo the girl of my dreams with my magical words… (do chicks still dig bloggers btw?) !! Probably none of the above and yet all of the above. I’ll let you figure that one out. Either ways, I haven’t written in a while and my writing could use some practise. Pardon the numerous grammatical errors in the blog (Its artistic writing anyways!)

So now comes the next big question. What in heaven’s name do I blog about?? What would I have to say that would possibly interest people? It would’ve helped had I been a tsunami survivor or a Kargil veteran, but since I’m not I guess I’ll stick to the most readily available form of prose in existence.. ‘Unsolicited Advice’.

Yes, you heard me right. I’m now going to attempt to tell you how to take the right decisions in life. Given my mishaps in the recent past, I would like to believe I’m somewhat of an expert on this topic. I’m going to attempt to link popular philosophy with everyday existence.

I’m now going to paint my imaginary world as it stands. If you are an Indian with a high degree of scholastic aptitude, you’ll probably relate to my view of the world. In my world, life is a struggle and salvation lies in pursuing the golden Indian middle-class dream – a stable career, a car and a home. In my world, hard work is the answer. If you’re not top of your class since first grade you’re not working hard enough. If you’re not working for a multi-national with a fixed income and a pension plan, well, you’re not working hard enough. If you don’t get all 5’s in your appraisal, you’re obviously not working hard enough. In my world, the ultimate purpose of life is to do something just to be better than the next guy doing the same thing. In my world, people expect me to look at my outlook calendar in the morning and moan with orgasmic delight.

So how the hell do I exist in this world without being termed clinically insane? Well, I’ve finally nailed it down. It’s all about realizing that our worlds are a simple linear function of our own decisions. The question then is how to make the right decisions? Now I want you to take some time and think about a few of the big decisions you’ve made in your life. I believe that all decisions that we make in life can be classified into two types..

a) Instrumental Decisions: These are decisions that one takes because they believe it’s going to lead to something else, regardless of whether you enjoy it or find it worthwhile. You know, simple equation again. I do X because x is going to lead to Y which is going to lead to Z at some unprecedented time in the future.
b) Fundamental Decisions: These are decisions that one makes because they think it’s inherently valuable regardless of what it may or may not lead to.
Here’s a simple illustration. When you decide to go out for a drink, it’s a purely fundamental decision. You do it because it brings you joy at this current moment of existence. Now imagine when you decide to spend a weekend making a power-point presentation. A classic case of instrumental decision. You do it because you believe that it is going to affect your boss’ perception of you, which will in-turn affect your appraisal and ultimately a potential promotion 6 years down the line (A->B->C->D). Well, here’s news for you. Life has no freakin plan. Things are and will remain complex and chaotic. And above all, things change.


Whereas not all decisions are likely to be this simple, I presume you get the point. I do not advocate that you take fundamental decisions every single time, but as long as the fundamental ones are more than the instrumental ones, I believe you’ll lead a fairly content life. On the flip side, I realize that it’s not going to be easy. It implies incredibly difficult choices and inevitable obstacles. But I promise you that it will be a transformational experience, a broader and deeper appreciation of the immense possibilities in life. And you will always ensure that a ‘means to the end’ never becomes an end onto itself. So even if it feels like a mistake, go ahead and take those fundamental decisions. After all, the biggest mistake in life is to be afraid of making one.